Dirty Banana Pants

Yesterday, I’m driving to get my kids and listening to my radio.  The local news anchor woman comes on to give us our daily news ‘teaser’.  You know, the little tidbits of information that will entice us to watch the evening newscast, otherwise, no one would tune in….
She announces that two dangerous inmates have escaped […]

I just read the headline for this story and felt compelled to verify my alibi….this was in Kentucky….I am in Oklahoma…..it wasn’t me, I swear.
Vodka-sipping juror causes mistrial

Last week, I filed for unemployment.  I am hoping that I won’t be given the chance to collect a check, but we shall see.  What an experience.
I was so shocked that we could file electronically here in sticksville, however, it is still necessary to report to an office and show some identification, so you can […]

Although I almost killed a man looking for a dress for New Year’s, I did manage to find one.  Friday, Stew went on an over night trip with some friends.  He called me from the road and offered to take me out on Saturday to look for a dress.  Even though he has known me […]

I roamed the hallways here, at Crap Ass, and spoke to the other 3 people who are working here this week.  We exchanged our Christmas stories, and it seems that the woman, down the street, you know, the spinster living with 23 cats, is the smart one.  Me and my fellow co-workers have decided that […]

I am a very impatient person.  This is probably one of the reasons God chose to give me children.  So that I may be driven crazy and wind up strapped to a chair, drooling, and begging for pudding.  This would be my penance for screaming at a car in front of me to move, when […]

I often wonder now why my mother didn’t give me up for adoption, or sell me on the street corner, or dump me off in a remote area. I think it has something to do with her aspiration for saint hood. She is, bar none, the best cook on the face of the […]

We have been experiencing the crud at my house.  Either Jake has it, or Shelby has it, or they both have it.  One morning, it looked as if a small creature was trying to escape from the side of Jake’s neck.  Luckily, it was just a swollen lymph node, but I was sure, based on […]

It is the day before T-day and everyone I know that is actually at work is BORED.  So, in the spirit of boredom, my friend Regan (aka “Regalicious”), emailed me today regarding our predicament.  Here is our exchange:
 
 
Regan: Hey there — I tried to send you an email at work, but I am not sure if […]

Sometimes….sometimes, I tend to say things that aren’t the appropriate…but they’re funny, and that’s why I say them.  I have out there, somewhere, that I am a white woman trapped in a black man’s body…  At least I can admit that things in my head are just not right - but in a good way?  […]