Dirty Banana Pants

I have continued to visit the laser torture chamber.  At this point, I’ve screwed up the artist’s work, so now I have no alternative but to continue to burn it off of my arm.  Word to your Mother. 
The last session I was going to have the inside of my arm lasered and had been trying […]

The school where Jake and Shelby spend each day has had a note posted on their front door announcing a “parade” that will take place today at 9am.  I’m not really clear on if parents are supposed to go….I didn’t.  I feel it only necessary to park 10 miles away, walk several blocks in the […]

Yesterday, after over cooking my second roast in a row.  I managed to save dinner by thawing out my trusty blackened salmon and whipped up some instant mashed potatoes (my own recipe) and frozen broccoli - only, I boiled it.  It’s easier to eat when it’s not frozen. 
Earlier in the day I read an article […]

I have noticed, over the past few years, that any time I leave the house by myself, I get questioned.  Questioned by people I know and people I don’t know.  “Where are your kids?” Stew is never questioned.  It’s as if I am to be the full time keeper of the children while Stew is expected to […]

Jake and Shelby have gone through, or are going through, a bit of a transformation as of late.  Shelby is becoming extremely animated and Jake is demonstrating deeper levels of compassion.  Shelby has decided she wants to make things exclusive to only her.  She and I had the following conversation:
Shelby: No, Mommy! Only GIRLS!
Me: I […]

My little family had a very delightful weekend.  On Saturday, I took the kids out on their new bicycles, helmets, and bells included.  Jake rode like a champ.  Crashed like a champ.  Got up, wiped off his skinned knees, and jumped back on to ride some more….like a champ.
Shelby, rode her bike, but did not […]

Last night, while laying in bed watching television, one of my favorites, Dingleberry, called me.  She wanted to ask my opinion on some mundane story .  It was really a non-issue and then she brought up the REAL reason for calling me.  It was so shocking to me that I am typing with one hand and […]

This morning I was getting the kids around for school….or should I say, I was trying my damnedest to get the kids ready for school.  Shelby woke up, walked around, went to the kitchen and then back to bed.  I walked into her room and said:
Me: Shelby.  Do you want to put your clothes on?
Shelby: […]

I took little Miss Shelby to the dentist to have her grey tooth checked.  That kids never ceases to surprise me.  The last time we attempted to go to the dentist, neither her nor her brother were willing to allow the dentist to touch them.  This was not the dentist’s fault, it was mine.  I […]

Saturday morning I grabbed my phone as I was about to leave for the gym in my quest to make my butt smaller.  I noticed that I had a few missed calls and checked to see who had called me.  It was Dingleberry, my former co-worker from the place where I had been fired.  She, […]