Here’s the catch
Friday morning I decided to take a detour on the way to work to pickup a very non-heart-healthy order of biscuits and gravy. According to the British, I would have picked up scones and some disgusting sauce-like stuff. It was YUMMY!
While sitting at the second window…as in, I’ve paid, not I’m waiting for the disgusting deliciousness to be handed over to me my cell phone rings. It is the headhunter who setup my interview with the Evil Empire earlier in the week. This must be a good sign. He asked if I had a minute to talk and I told him I did. He said that the Evil Empire wants ME! THEY WANT ME! I did not react excitedly, rather, I sat there and very non-chalantly waited to hear the rest of the story.
He began by telling me what great benefits they had, blah, blah, blah…. Damn it…get to the $$$ already! And then he did….get to the $$$. They want to pay me lots of $$$! Plus….PLUS grant me with a small mountain of stock….I calculated the $ value of the stock…it was A LOT! AND….they wanted to make sure that I knew that even though I am being hired on late in the year, I will receive my first raise in December….THAT’S IT?
Want to know how I answered? I laughed. Hysterically. Finally, I told the puzzled headhunter that I’d need to call him back. The only word that I could muster was “cool”. Like, wow, that offer is really “cool”. Lame-o! This poor guy has no idea the history I have with trying to land a job with the Evil Empire. I was quite literally awestruck. Plus, I wanted to accept the offer, but I really wanted to be able to put together a coherent sentence whereby the headhunter wouldn’t be worried about placing me with this company. I wanted to sound SMART damnit.
I spent the morning calling my Mom, Stew, Melissa, Karla, Natalie, Julie, my Dad, my Mailman, gynecologist and my priest. Just joking, I don’t have a priest. My Mother was cautiously optimistic as she has witnessed my total and utter heart break over my last rejection. Stew, who is a professional devil’s advocate, paused at the news…and then stated, “I can’t really come up with a reason why you shouldn’t take the offer.”
I waited until about 2pm in the afternoon before calling the headhunter to accept the offer. I basically told him that, yes, I will take the offer because I determined that if I didn’t take an offer like that, then I must be high or a masochist.
There was one last person to tell and that would be my friend Yousef. He is a friend I retained…why, I don’t know….from Crap-Ass Industries. When I told him, he gave me the ironic news….remember Bill? My idiot boss from Crap-Ass? Well…..according to Yousef, Bill also just landed a job with the Evil Empire. The great thing is that we will not be in the same group and I will not be working for him. I am glad I kept a cool head when I was being laid off…because I really, REALLY wanted to tell him what a lazy son-of-a-bitch he was…but I didn’t. The more I have thought about it, the more I am now glad to see him. Why? The Evil Empire expects WORK….and a lot of it. I will enjoy watching him piss off everyone around him…and this time….I hope….he suffer a bit.
The final piece my friend Yousef added was to warn me about working in an industry such as the Evil Empire’s because it’s so unstable. You know, nothing like Crap Ass…where I got LAID OFF. Lucky for me, everyone marching in my parade brought umbrellas to deflect his piss.
The offer they made Friday is a “verbal” offer. I am waiting on a formal “written” offer before making any announcements to my current employer/client. And damnit…I’m happy!
Wow, congratulations- that almost sounds too good to be true! Well done Missy!
The only problem I have, really, is… biscuits and GRAVY? You must be joking.