Dirty Banana Pants

I see perky people

Posted by Christy
July 17, 2008

Saturday was my niece Lauren’s birthday. She had her party at a dreadful place called “Sweet ‘n Sassy”. It is a salon….and I use that term loosely, for tween girls filled with loads of crap for you buy for your children. The birthday party would consist of each of the girls dressing up in an outfit, getting their hair done, and nails painted so they could walk onstage…stupendous.

Shelby and I arrived there a few minutes late and Lauren and her friends are sitting in a semi-circle around a young girl who works there. She’s asking each one of them a list of questions and writing down their answers. She uses the answers later when they are walking down the cat walk….Jesus…

So,she gets to Shelby, who is 3 and asks:

What’s your favorite color?

Where do you like to shop? (WHAT? - uh, she’s 3)….I mention to this nimrod that she’s only 3…she doesn’t fully understand shopping. I’m sure if she had to pick, she’d choose the grocery store. EVEN when I mention that she is only 3…the girl just sits there, unfazed…waiting for Shelby to respond. I finally just say, “Target“.

Who’s your favorite famous person? Again….SHE’S 3! She doesn’t even understand the definition of “famous”…. The stupid girl sits there…I finally say, “Ariel”

After they gather all of the pertinent information from all of the attendees, they scoot them to a couple of closets so they can pick out an outfit to wear on the catwalk. No offense, but I’m in better shape than some of these 9 year-olds….you should see their guts….I don’t remember any of my 9 year-old friends having guts like that. They haven’t even given birth yet….

In the meantime, there are other parties taking place. This torture chamber is working like an assembly line. The steps in the process go a little something like this:

1. Answer questions

2. Pick out an outfit and get dressed

3. Move to the mirror to fix hair - this consists of them taking fake shitty hair pieces and securing them to the girls’ hair with rubber bands and then spraying them with glitter hairspray.

4. Makeup - They rub on more cheap crap and glue glitter to their faces.

5. Nails.

6. Catwalk - The kids are lined up “backstage” while an annoying girl screams out each child’s name to summon them to the stage and then begins reading off the answers to the questions they gave earlier. Each child walks out onto the stage, strikes a pose, and jumps off.

7. The employees blare the same three songs whilst the kids jump around on the stage screaming their lungs out.

8. They move them off of the stage and make them change back into their regular clothing.

9. Cake

Everyone that works here is a highschool/college aged girl with not a brain in their head. As Lauren’s birthday progressed through the above steps, there were other parties before and after her. Because the place was so small, I enjoyed listening to the same music, over and over and over again. Each girl received a trophy…for being pretty, I guess. If I have to attend another party there, I may slit my wrists, much less painful that way.