The hail mary
Last Wednesday, I called my friend Ramona and left a message on her voicemail:
Me: Hey Ramona! In exactly one month you will be Mrs. Jones! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
And I hung up. She left me a voicemail a few hours later:
Ramona: Hey Christy. Funny message. By the way, I think the wedding is off. Some crazy shit went down over the weekend and I don’t think I can go through with it.
I was in disbelief when I heard the message because I thought since I waited one month prior, that this wedding may actually take place. The curse!
I called her that evening and listened to her he-said-she-said story. After I hung up I just thought that it must be true. I don’t want anyone to ever ask me to be in their wedding again…not that I enjoy it, but it’s safer that way.
Thursday, I had to attend a luncheon at a local unversity where Dingleberry works. She was so excited that I would be there and came to see me after it was done. I gave her a ride back to her office when she spotted a co-worker.
Dingleberry: Hey, there’s Ann. She has been dying to meet you. Will you please talk to her? She wants to meet you because I told her you ride a motorcycle.
Me: Sure (like, what am I? A rockstar or something?)
Dingleberry rolls down the window and summons her co-worker over. I meet her, shake her hand, talk a bit about motorcycles and then the conversation was over.
Friday morning on the way to work my phone rings, it’s Dingleberry.
Dingleberry: Guess what happened!
Me: What?
Dingleberry: Remember Ann? The woman I introduced you to yesterday?
Me: Yes.
Dingleberry: They fired her!
Me: Huh?!?!
Let’s tally this up, shall we? My grandmother died…although, I didn’t talk to her, nor see her…so I can’t be blamed for that…unless it was because I didn’t talk to her or see her… Ramona called the wedding off….and some random person I met was fired a few hours after I met her.
Later in the day on Friday, Ramona called me. The wedding is back on. After she told me, I let her know about the whole curse thing. I had her laughing so hard she was crying.
A few hours after that, Dingleberry called me:
Dingleberry: Guess what happened today!
Me: What happened? (I’m holding my breath…really, at this point, I am).
Dingleberry: They promoted me!
Me: Wow! That’s great.
Dingleberry: They gave me Ann’s job!
Yesterday I walked into the grocery store and found a $20 bill on the floor. My items totaled $28…not too shabby. I have resolved to not talking to anyone for 3 weeks. If I can make it to August, I’m golden.
