Dirty Banana Pants

The other night, as I lay drifting off to sleep, Stew came in and finished watching Dateline.  The story was about a man who had allegedly pushed his wife off of a cliff.  The part of the story Stew began watching was the part before they talk about all of the evil deeds the guy […]

I walked in today and enjoyed my view, as usual.  Dolly’s cousin came in wearing a very fetching pinkish tent.  At least she wasn’t picking her nose.  Probably because there is nothing left to pick after yesterday afternoon’s session. 
I’ve been trying to explain to my father that if I were to take a permanent position […]

I have a good track record of never being in a wedding.  I’ve attended a few, but have never actually been in one.  I have been asked, and each time the wedding was called off.  I consider myself to be a wedding jinx.  The only wedding I was asked to be in…and I use that […]

Yesterday, after over cooking my second roast in a row.  I managed to save dinner by thawing out my trusty blackened salmon and whipped up some instant mashed potatoes (my own recipe) and frozen broccoli - only, I boiled it.  It’s easier to eat when it’s not frozen. 
Earlier in the day I read an article […]

Yesterday was my Dad’s 67th birthday.  I took the kids over to my parents’ house to eat some cake and hang out for a bit.  While we are sitting there, a commercial for the Love Guru appeared.
Dad: That Love Guru looks down right stupid.
Mom: Justin Timberlake is in it also.
Dad: Justin Timberlake?  I don’t understand […]

Part of what I do consists of asking people how they perform their job.  It’s a really mundane part of my occupation and I spend a lot of time gather business requirements and business processes.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into detail on how to do these activities.  I would up myself to […]

1.  Discover a dead body, or a foot, or anything that should be attached to a human being.
2.  Drive a mini-van.  I had people who swore to me that I would give up my motorcycle for a mini-van….no way, it’s not going to happen.
3.  Sell Arbonne.  They are a cult.  If you don’t believe me, […]

A few weeks ago our most reliable babysitter called to say she was moving to Florida…..THE FOLLOWING WEEK!  I now understand why people steal each other’s nannies.  I think I could get a book on brain surgery, read it and perform it with greater success than I would in getting a babysitter to call me […]

Once upon a time there was a girl named, me.  She was young….oh so young, and single.  One day while she was at work a co-workers husband called to say he found a stray kitten.  Awwww…..  He wanted to know if I would provide a home for the little kitten.  Me, being the cold-hearted bitch […]

It doesn’t matter how bad you think you look in your bathing suit.  There is always someone out there who looks worse.  In case you forgot, I had a date over the weekend with Rick Springfield.  I arranged for the babysitter weeks in advance.  When the kids asked where I was going I told them […]