I look at Dolly Parton’s cousin everyday
My new, luxurious office has a gigantic glass wall. Hence, I am unable to adjust myself as I normally would had I not been housed in a human-sized fish tank. My view consists of 3 women. For the most part they are quiet and keep to themselves. I would offer them fashion advice, but I fear that if I were to touch on that subject, I would be hog-tied, shaved, and left on the clearance aisle at Wal-Mart.
One woman, Dolly’s cousin, is quite a treat, as I learned one day on the way to the restroom. Just as I was rounding the corner of her cubicle, my ears were assaulted with a gutteral belch that, had I not been walking by her desk, I would have assumed it to have been released by an unbathed, hairy truck driver. Not that I couldn’t handle it, but since it was a bit of a shock to me, I believe both of my feet left the ground as I involuntarily leaped into the air as if to remove myself from a large, falling object. Even though she did exhibit dreadful behavior, she did utter the words, “excuse me”. Because after all, she is a lady. I think.
And in completely unrelated news, I had a couple of observations. First, a local news anchorwoman announced that an elderly woman was missing. She was 5′1″, 75 years old, white-haired, and driving a pewter Lincoln Towncar. Not that I’m not concerned that she is found, but couldn’t they give us another detail? License plate number? Wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m with Stupid”….something? Correct me if I’m wrong, but just how many 75-year-old, white-haired women have you seen driving a Lincoln Towncar?
Second observation….our brilliant president. The dude that lives in the white house and is running our poor little country into the ground with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. There was a headline today:
Bush Says Tax Stimulus will Alleviate High Gas and Food Prices
Well, thank GOD! The few of us who will receive the pittance from the government will be able to afford gas and food for…..a month? All of my concerns with the economy are over. By God, when I get my damned ‘ol check, well, hell, I’ll be sittin’ purty. No Marlboro Lights for me, I’m going for the REDS….FULL STRENGTH baby! I can afford it!
