Dirty Banana Pants

Sometimes….sometimes, I tend to say things that aren’t the appropriate…but they’re funny, and that’s why I say them.  I have out there, somewhere, that I am a white woman trapped in a black man’s body…  At least I can admit that things in my head are just not right - but in a good way?  […]

I think I may have come up with the single most brilliant idea to enhance communication.  This little epiphany occurred while I was at the gym, as most do.  While trying to kill myself on some piece of equipment, I began looking at the various televisions hanging from the ceiling. 
While, I’m not a big fan […]

For many years I have always tried to emulate a positive body image.  Oh, yes, I am sooo satisfied with everything.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  I’ve tried to accept myself and maintain a happy outlook, but I can no longer lie about what is really bothering me.
I’ve decided that I want implants.  Feet implants.
Rather […]

Today I will vote.  Although, this morning, I chose to put it off until later since my bladder was about to explode.  Voting is a big deal in my family.  If you don’t vote, you will shame the family.  They will all dress in black and act as if you committed indecent acts with the […]

I often sit here at my desk and do nothing, because I have nothing to do, but think about how crappy my job is.  I worked, not too hard, and finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree.  I worked the entire time, so I’ve racked up quite a bit of experience.  I actually worked very hard […]

I didn’t realize how much I dislike kids, until I attended my niece Amelia’s 4th birthday party over this past weekend.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my own kids, I love my nieces, and I love some of my friends’ kids, but beyond that….nope, not at all.  I’ve had a few changes in heart […]

Myself and 9 other colleagues are apart of a fantasy football league.  The winners of the league in the past few years have each found a job at another company, thus escaping this hell hole.  We play for the chance to win and pray to God that someone hires us elsewhere. 
Other leagues I have played in […]

I will probably go to hell for this, but here it goes.  The only reason that I want to take the kids trick-or-treating is to score some candy - oh, and dress them up in cute costumes, take pictures, and use them for blackmail when they get older. 
I was the kid growing up who had […]

Here at Crap-Ass, Inc. we have a vendor in town this week to install a software package.  After the installation is complete, we are to meet with him to go over a quickie training session to get us started.  This means that I have to be locked up in a room with Bill, the biggest […]

 If you didn’t venture out for trick-or-treating…you missed you some of this:
 
That’s right, Mrs. Incredible - aka Elastigirl!  (This is my action pose, nice, huh?)
As a member of the Junior Hospitality Club, I participated in a Halloween Party at the Children’s Hospital in the Cancer Ward.  The party itself was great, the children were beautiful, […]