Dirty Banana Pants

Before the theft of my purse and my mother’s digital camera.  I had a very nice camera, which Jake had pulled off of a high surface causing it to fall and break something.  My little camera has been sent to the doctor a few times and comes back in good shape, but not great shape.  […]

Saturday Stew called me to let me know he had been called about my purse.  A convenience store owner spotted my little purse and dug it out of their dumpster along with another woman’s purse.  Incredibly, my cell phone was still inside, which he used to locate a number of someone who was willing to […]

Crap-ass, Inc. has officially become the worst place to work.  We have very few events to look forward to each year.  I’m not saying that they must keep us entertained, but hell, throw us a scrap or something to make us feel like we work for human beings, rather than a bunch of droids.
The creativity that […]

My boss, Bill, has come up with a few innovative ways to guarantee his name at the top of the list for the next round of layoffs:

The old “fat finger” excuse - When to use: you and 9 other people are sent an email with a list of tasks that each person must perform in […]

My admin just contacted me to see if I had heard anything back from the phone interview I had a little over a week ago.  I was sorry to tell her that I had called to follow up and was informed that this organization had received an influx of applicants and they were still going […]

I know you must be a man, because any woman would never take such an adorable little purse from it’s owner.  You must be a man because:  
a. Stealing is stupid
b. Men are stupid
c. I hate men
d. I hate you. 
I have moved you to the top of my Souls to damn to hell list.  I am sure that you […]

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I attended the Girlie Show this past Friday night.  It has been almost a year since I’ve had a “girl’s night” and it was almost more than I could handle.  Used to, when going out, I would worry about seeing an ex-boyfriend, or some girl who hated me […]

Last week in Texas a death row inmate committed suicide 15 hours before his scheduled execution.  Apparently, no other inmate has achieved this feat this close to the actual execution.  Score!
However, the part of the story that amused me the most was the mention of an inmate, who in 1999, overdosed on prescription medication.  The […]

I was absent yesterday because it took the doctors longer than expected to extract my head out of my ass.  You see, I had attended the Girlie Show over the weekend.  Because I was going to be at a fun, hip event, I transferred only the essentials to an adorable, tiny little handbag.  It was […]

My mind works in a sick and twisted way.  I have a very easy time remembering stupid crap.  The important things?  No, I somehow lose those pieces of information, but the inane, highly unimportant trivial items, I keep those locked away for some future use. 
When, where and why I would use them, I have no […]